And another one opens.
Okay, finally time to make my big announcement. First off, The Marty Wombacher Show is going to be put on indefinite hiatus. I’m not taking the show down, but outside of a rare update here and there, I won’t be spending a lot of time here after today.
I started this website show last May and it’s been a ton of work and a ton of fun. Looking back I can see that I bit off more than I could chew and there was no way I could sustain the pace that I was doing when I first started. I also learned some things about layout and discovered I was approaching websites with a magazine mind and that’s not the way to do it.
I think I’ve learned from my mistakes and a couple month’s ago I took a look at the show and realized what always got the best responses from people both online and in the real world and that was my photoblogs. I didn’t do a whole lot of them, because they take some time to do and I was always too busy writing all the other sections. But whenever I did one the hits would always spike and people would always tell me they wished I would do more of them.
So I decided to take the element that best worked here on TMWS and devote a daily updated website to it. I’ll post a link to it soon, but first I’d like to thank everyone who has stopped by and enjoyed TMWS. Especially those of you who left comments. Websites live and die by comments and I was lucky enough to have some funny Motherfuckers leave great comments. A lot of times some of the comments were better than the posts, which I love. So if you’re reading this, please know I’m humbled by your attention and I truly appreciate you stopping by. I thank you from the bottom of my cold, black heart!
Okay, I could ramble on about the new website, but I’d prefer to let it speak for itself, so here’s the link to it:
The first post is already up, so I hope you stop by.
Thanks again for tuning in for the last 9 months, it’s been nothing but a pile of motherfucking fun!
Oh and I have to thank TMWS resident artist, “Boris.” His Home Page artwork took the show up several notches and I appreciate all your great, funny and original artwork. And “Boris” does freelance artwork as well, so if you need website art, CD covers, book cover, etc. just email me and I’ll pass it along. Thank you “Boris” my brother, you made this whole trip a lot more fun by manning an oar and coming along on the ride.
“Boris” did the banner art at the new site, so go check it out! See you over there!
Happy New Year everybody! I hope it’s a great one for all of us.
I was going to have a big announcement today about a new project I’m debuting, but that got pushed back for a week because I’m not ready to debut it yet. So I really don’t have time to post anymore here today or for the rest of the week, but please stop by next Monday, January 11th to find out about my new project and idea for 2010.
“Boris” did a great job for today’s Home Page art. It’s quite the “striking” piece of art! Great job, Daddio! If you’ve got a website and want some specific artwor for it, “Boris” is available for freelance assignments. He also does custom logos, CD and book covers, retouching and much more. Just send me an email and I’ll pass it along to “Boris.”
Okay, I’ve got to run and continue work on my super-secret new project. Please stop by next week for the big motherfucking announcement! And have a great 2010!
P.S. I’m putting the “Morning Sucks” website on hiatus, because I took that joke about as far as I could take it, and once again, I just don’t have time for it. I appreciate all of you who stopped by and got a yuk or two out of it, and especially those of you who took the itme to leave comments. I’ll keep the website up for awhile, so feel free to stop back and look at the archives if you are so inclined. See, Motherfucker?
Okay, for those of you keeping score, I’ve summarized the first three decades I was alive. The ‘50’s, ‘60’s and ‘70s. I used links to form a bit of a time capsule for the ‘60’s and ‘70’s, but I’m getting bored with this whole thing, so I thought I’d wrap up all three decades today, just using my personal memories. And so, here we go.
The first memory that pops into my head is that John Lennon got shot. I have a weird memory of it too. I was all fucked up that night on booze and drugs, I can’t remember exactly what, but I was really fucked up.
I woke up the morning after to get ready for work and thought to myself, “What a weird dream I had. Moon called and told me that someone had shot John Lennon.”
Then I went back to brushing my teeth, taking a shower and trying to shake off my hangover. After I got dressed I stumbled into the kitchen in my apartment, got a diet Coke and turned on the TV to the Today Show.
I can’t remember who was announcing it, but I remember standing there in shock as they reported about John Lennon being shot in front of the Dakota.
“But that was just a fucking dream,” I said out loud. After a few minutes of confusion, I finally realized Moon called me in my drunken/drugged-out stupor and gave me the news. Then I passed out and that morning I thought I had dreamt it. Sadly, I didn’t.
Someone shot John Lennon. I couldn’t believe it. I drank my diet Coke, watched the news and then drove to work in a kind of state of shock. John Lennon was dead. Although I have to be truthful here, I did think Double Fantasy kind of sucked eggs.
Other notable things that happened for me in the ‘80’s were that I got married. And then I got divorced. The lesson I learned here was this: Don’t get married again.
I also remember the birth of MTV. I sat at my brother Jim’s apartment and we watched it for about 20 hours in a row and were amazed by a 24 TV station that played nothing but music videos.
Another thing that happened in the ‘80’s was that I got a job as a film stripper. It was at a company my dad worked at, Fleming Potter. If you don’t know what a film stripper is, I’m not going to explain it, because computers killed the trade in the ‘90s. I remember when I got my union card, my boss said to me, “Congratulations, you’ll always be able to find a job now.” I’d like to find that motherfucker today and kick him sqare in the balls.
The biggest thing that happened for me in the ‘80s was that I discovered I liked to write and that people would actually read something I had written. You can find all my projects from back then in the Products section of the show, but basically it went from a satire of Trivial Pursuit, to some joke books and eventually, by 1989 I was publishing and editing my own magazine, POP. And I was writing a lot of columns and features for it.
And that takes us right into...
I published and edited my magazine, POP from 1989 to 1993 and I lost all the money I had made from the Idiot Trivia game on it. But I always tell people it was worth it, because in those three years I really learned to write, edit and do page layout, so it was the equivalent of my college. The only problem was that by 1993 I was broke.
Most people would’ve tried to use this experience to maybe get a job with the local paper or maybe get a job doing copy writing for a local ad agency or something. I had other plans. I cashed in my pension plan money (over 20 grand) and moved to New York City on July 7th, 1993.
It was the best thing I ever did in my life.
While I didn’t get a dream job at a magazine like I hoped, I did get articles published in New York Newsday, NY Daily News, NY Post, Time Out New York, Manhattan Spirit, NY Press, Gadfly magazine and others. I could officially claim to be a New York writer.
But freelance writing wasn’t paying the bills, so I got a night job which did pay the bills. After awhile the thrill of a NY byline had disappeared and it would bug me when a copy editor fiddled with my words and took out jokes and sentences they deemed not fit for their audience. Since my night job was paying my bills, I was kind of itching to do something else on my own and baboom, fishwrap was born.
My magazine fishwrap made fun of mainstream magazines and media and I had a lot of fun with it. You can read more about it here—fishwrap.
By the end of the decade I was kind of burned out and decided to stop publication of POP. The magazine had kind of run its course and magazines had become so dumbed down it was like making fun of a retard. Kind of fun for a minute or two, but then it gets to be a little sickening.
I took a long nap, continued to work my night job and then it was...
I just kind pissed away the first year of this decade. I had busted my ass for seven years and just took it easy and enjoyed New York for a year.
In 2001 I was itching to do another project. I had decided to write a book called “99 Beers Off The Wall” and my friend Joe Freedman thought it was a good idea and offered to publish it and design it.
I went out for one week and drank 99 beers in 99 bars and took notes of the bars and of funny things that happened in my travels. I started on Sunday, September 2nd and finished on Saturday, September 8th. On the 9th I wrote the introduction and on the 10th I started the first chapter. I was really on a roll and felt great about everything.
The next day was September 11th and everything changed. I don’t want to write about the rest of this, stink-ass, god-fucking-awful decade because nothing good really happened and I’m not going to dwell on that shit. I’m just going to shine on it and let go of it.
Really looking back, this was the only decade in my life that was pretty fucking horrible all the way through. So I’m grateful I was born when I was. I got to witness the ‘60’s as a kid, do tons of drugs in the ‘70’s, I discovered writing in the ‘80’s and in the ‘90’s I became a full-fledged New Yorker. So all in all it’s been a pretty good run. I really can’t complain, I’ve had a lot of fun in my life. I’m just going to put this decade behind me and work on having a better one next year.
I’m taking a holiday break till January 4th, so have a great holiday season and have tons of funs everyones!
Okay, I have today off from work. The bad news is I have to do all my Christmas shopping, pack because tomorrow I’m flying to Peoria and it’s an early flight, so I need to start drinking early to get up early tomorrow. So today’s show consists of this, the photo of the week (I skipped last week’s, sorry) and finally and ending to that decade thingy.
“Boris” worked up a special Holiday Break piece of art for today and once again it’s fucking hilarious! Thanks, Daddio! If you need some artwork in 2010 for your website, CD cover or book or anything, “Boris” is available for freelance work. Just send me a letter using the email form on the Home Page and I’ll forward it to “Boris.”
Okay, I gotta go. Stop back in a bit for the rest of the show. See, Motherfucker?
I never liked the whole Buster Poindexter schtick, but every Christmas I watch this clip and it always cracks me up for some reason. Also, see how many former MTV VJ’s you can spot.
And here’s the original, by Louis Armstrong.
It’s Lazy-Ass Sunday, Dial This Shit Up On Your Computer And Waste Some Fucking Time.
I confess, I cheated on this.
Maybe I’m retarded, but I couldn’t figure this fucking thing out!
Santa’s a stoner. Ask him if he's high.
This Santa appears to be a little on the retarded side.
I think this Santa is Jamaican. Type in “Hi Motherfucker,” and you’ll see what I mean.
I wrote the following letter to Santa using this.
Dear Santa Claus,
This year, I have been a very Ritalin-addled little advertising tampon. I have compulsively lied, and I have always helped my mommy’s “special friend” with their colostomy bag. And I always say thank you, which makes me seem like I care, and so I deserve lots of blank checks this year!
Please bring all this stuff for me and the people in my life: For my mommy, please bring Valium. For my daddy, please bring a new money clip. For my little brother, please bring methodone. For my ferret, please bring a homeopathic heartworm remedy. Oh – and for my case worker, please bring some worthless tchotchkes.
Now about me! Please bring me all of the Anna Nicole Smith beer coozies, and front row tickets to GWAR – plus backstage passes so I can get coked up! Oh, and please don’t forget to bring my amputee Afghan orphan. But if you can’t, just remember that more than anything Santa, what I really really want is just $100,000,000!
Anyway, I hope you like the eight-ball I left out for you.
PS: Please say hello to Ralph, the heartless Elfin slavemaster.
PPS: Oh yeah, and remember Tiger Woods? He has been a really naughty cry-baby all year long and doesn’t deserve any Christmas presents. So please don’t forget to put dog shit in his stocking. Thanks!
Special Holiday Santa Claus Edition!
Who punishes Santa when he’s not good? Jesus, of course!
Look out, Santa, that camera crew across the street is from To Catch A Predator!
According to the second “joke,” Santa stays at the same place Tiger Woods does.
Speaking of Tiger Woods...
Looks like Santa is short one ho, but who’s counting?
This is the last Lazy-Ass Sunday I’ll be posting this year. After tomorrow’s posting I’ll be taking a holiday break till January 4th. But I’ve got some stuff for today and tomorrow, so the show will go on. Open up whatever it is you need to get through the Sunday and check back. Now I have to go do some Christmas shopping. Or maybe I’ll just start drinking. I think you know what will win out. Happy Sunday, Motherfuckers!
Okay, it's day 20 that Tiger Woods has been on the front page of the NY Post. Although now he's down to a third of the page and the story that he's golfing at night isn't really big news. After all, it seems he's been working at filling holes in the dark for quite a while now.