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Sunday Time Wasters

It’s Lazy-Ass Sunday, Dial This Shit Up On Your Computer And Waste Some Fucking Time.

I confess, I cheated on this.

Maybe I’m retarded, but I couldn’t figure this fucking thing out!

Santa’s a stoner. Ask him if he's high.

This Santa appears to be a little on the retarded side.

I think this Santa is Jamaican. Type in “Hi Motherfucker,” and you’ll see what I mean.

Evil Santa

I wrote the following letter to Santa using this.

Dear Santa Claus,

This year, I have been a very Ritalin-addled little advertising tampon. I have compulsively lied, and I have always helped my mommy’s “special friend” with their colostomy bag. And I always say thank you, which makes me seem like I care, and so I deserve lots of blank checks this year!

Please bring all this stuff for me and the people in my life: For my mommy, please bring Valium. For my daddy, please bring a new money clip. For my little brother, please bring methodone. For my ferret, please bring a homeopathic heartworm remedy. Oh – and for my case worker, please bring some worthless tchotchkes.

Now about me! Please bring me all of the Anna Nicole Smith beer coozies, and front row tickets to GWAR – plus backstage passes so I can get coked up! Oh, and please don’t forget to bring my amputee Afghan orphan. But if you can’t, just remember that more than anything Santa, what I really really want is just $100,000,000!

Anyway, I hope you like the eight-ball I left out for you.



PS: Please say hello to Ralph, the heartless Elfin slavemaster.

PPS: Oh yeah, and remember Tiger Woods? He has been a really naughty cry-baby all year long and doesn’t deserve any Christmas presents. So please don’t forget to put dog shit in his stocking. Thanks!

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Reader Comments (1)

It's Mad Libs for kids who are too lazy to think of their own nouns!

December 31, 2009 | Unregistered CommenterBiff

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